We Experience People Differently

 

One of the most overlooked truths about human relationships is that no two people ever experience the same person in the same way. We often assume that because we grew up in the same house, under the same roof, with the same mother and father, we must have shared identical childhoods. But in reality, even siblings, raised by the same parents carry profoundly different emotional memories, interpretations, and wounds. What people forget is this: parents are not static beings. They are shaped by time, circumstances, and their own evolving struggles. By the time one child is born, the parent is someone entirely different from who they will be for the next child.

A firstborn often meets parents who are young, inexperienced, anxious, and determined to “get it right.” A lastborn, on the other hand, meets parents who are older, more relaxed, possibly more financially stable, or more emotionally tired. Middle children meet versions of parents who are juggling the chaos of life, career pressure, or marital tension. Each child enters a different emotional climate. So when siblings argue about whose childhood was harder, or whose parents were stricter or more loving, they are both telling the truth. They simply encountered different versions of the same people.

Parents evolve. Their values shift, their patience grows or shrinks, their financial situations change, and their stress levels fluctuate. A parent who disciplined the firstborn harshly may be too exhausted or wiser by the time the lastborn arrives. A mother who was fully present for one child may be overwhelmed by work or depression when raising another. A father who once had time and energy may later be swallowed by responsibility or disillusionment. The same parent can be nurturing at one stage, distracted at another, and absent at another. This fluidity means that siblings don’t just have different personalities they have different parents.

This principle extends beyond family. We also experience friends, partners, colleagues, and leaders differently. A person can be kind to one individual and harsh to another. They may be supportive in one relationship but distant in the next. They may show respect to someone they admire yet belittle someone they feel threatened by. People shift based on their emotional state, their environment, and the person standing in front of them. Who you are to someone and who they are to you depends on the chemistry of both personalities, the context of the relationship, and the moment in time.

This is why two people can walk away from the same relationship with entirely different stories: one calling it beautiful, the other calling it traumatic. It is why one friend feels deeply valued while another feels chronically ignored. It is why some people remember you as the best thing that ever happened to them while others remember you as the opposite. Human interaction is not objective; it is filtered through emotion, personal expectations, cultural conditioning, and individual wounds.

Understanding this should make us slower to judge people based on a single narrative. Every person you meet is a composite of multiple versions of themselves versions shaped by experiences you know nothing about. When someone says, “She was a terrible mother,” and another says, “She was the most loving woman alive,” they are not contradicting each other; they are revealing the complexity of human nature. When someone says, “He was an amazing partner,” and another insists, “He was emotionally distant,” they are both speaking from genuine experience. People do not behave consistently across all relationships, because relationships pull out different aspects of who we are.

This truth should also push us toward empathy. The sibling who seems spoiled may have been raised in a period of calm that the firstborn never knew. The sibling who appears resentful may have carried burdens that others didn’t see. Instead of competing over who suffered more or who was favored, siblings can acknowledge that they were shaped by different emotional histories even within the same home. The same compassion should extend to strangers: before assuming someone is lying about their experiences, recognize that your version of a person may not be their version.

In the end, the statement “we experience people differently” is not just an observation it is a reminder to approach life with humility. It calls us to recognize that humans are ever-changing, ever-evolving creatures. None of us remains the same across all times, relationships, or circumstances. And because of that, no two people will ever truly know the same version of another human being.