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To Love and To Obey: Retain this Vow

Removing the phrase "to obey" from marriage vows has become a common practice in modern wedding ceremonies, and its frankly a terrible choice. I argue that there are valid reasons why retaining this phrase can be meaningful and beneficial in certain contexts.

  1. Respect for Tradition: Marriage is a tradition-rich institution that has existed for centuries. The phrase "to obey" has been a part of traditional wedding vows for generations. Retaining it can be a way of honoring and respecting the historical significance of marriage.

  2. Symbolic Representation: For some, the phrase "to obey" is not about subservience but rather a symbolic representation of trust, cooperation, and a willingness to work together within the marriage. It can signify the idea that both partners will listen to each other, consider each other's opinions, and make decisions together.

  3. Mutual Submission: In a healthy marriage, both partners should be willing to submit to each other's needs and the needs of the relationship. Retaining "to obey" can serve as a reminder that marriage involves mutual submission and selflessness on both sides, with each partner willingly yielding to the other when necessary.

  4. Discussion and Consent: When couples choose to include "to obey" in their vows, it often comes after thoughtful discussion and mutual consent. This process can lead to a deeper understanding of each other's expectations and a more robust foundation for the marriage.

  5. Evolution of Meaning: The meaning of the phrase "to obey" can evolve over time. While it may have historically implied one-sided submission, in contemporary ceremonies, it can be reinterpreted to reflect a commitment to cooperation, partnership, and equality within the marriage.

  6. Cultural Significance: In some cultures and religious traditions, the phrase "to obey" carries particular significance and is deeply ingrained in the marriage ritual. Removing it could be seen as a departure from cultural practices that have bound families and communities together for generations.

While many modern couples choose to remove the phrase "to obey" from their marriage vows to emphasize equality and mutual partnership, there are valid arguments for retaining it. The decision should ultimately be a matter of personal choice, reflecting the couple's values, beliefs, and cultural context. Whether the phrase is included or omitted, the most important aspect of any marriage is open communication, mutual respect, and a commitment to building a strong and loving partnership.

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